Ask the Urban Dater: Opposites Attract

Ask the Urban Dater: Opposites Attract

Ask the Urban Dater: Opposites Attract

By indulging and asking questions, it is possible to quickly get to the bottom of how well a potential significant other will match up with you. This doesn’t always have to be done electronically, but can certainly start this way. and many other web sites base their processes on many of these basic elements, along with a number of other detailed question-response specific methods. Of course, getting married to strangers is certainly no way to pursue a long healthy relationship with somebody, so should always go through a “vetting” process before you get to the point of intimacy. So it starts with validation and selection through a detailed matchmaking process, followed by trial and error. With such a high divorce proceedings rate, it’s no wonder why something like this might be practical. The fact that you perhaps “lost interest” might mean that there was clearly no interest there to begin with – It was all surface In order to really understand the intricacies of a partner, you should always complete your own dorm room assignment sheet. Find out where they’re interests lie and whether or not they’re after the same things as you in terms of a relationship. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…

Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: Dating, Online Dating, Relationships, roommate Oh, you want that plenty of fish site, huh? We’ll how about if I toss your ass over those mountains over there? I saw this one on the lovely Simone Grant’s blog the other day and I tapped my lip and pondered the question. Then it hit me in the face such as a feeble Dustin “Screech” Diamond punching out poor Horshack on Celebrity Boxing (still the greatest concept to hit television in my lifetime.) My girlfriend STILL has a Plenty of Fish Account!!! Oh the dreaded scandal! Aaaand I don’t give a shit. Period. My girlfriend has told me she still has it and hasn’t bothered to close it. That’s fine and I believe her. But you know what? I still would give two shits of a rat’s cankle (sp?) if she DID check it.

Really, I wouldn’t. Why, you ask? Simple it’s something I call “trust.” My girlfriend could choke me out in my sleep, put a knife in my back or run me down with her SUV. To date she has done none of those things. She demonstrates that I’m able to trust her every day just by being her and just by showing me she cares. I’m sorry, but some profile on a dating/hook-up site isn’t going to change that… Though, I secretly hope Amy Adams or Felicia Day messages her and want to hook up with her so I can watch. Shhh! don’t tell my girlfriend! Really, the matter is inconsequential. Like I said, I trust her.

That means I trust her with temptation and making the right decisions. If I can’t do that then why even bother being in a relationship in the first place? It makes no sense to me. Should she close it? I don’t think it matters a proven way or the next. If this is “checklist” item for our relationship, then I think there’s other things we have to be worried about… When I was training to be a manager at my music store gig, my manager, at the time, said this to me: “Alex, the best thing you certainly can do for a person is giving them the opportunity to fail. That’s how they know what they’ve got in em. That’s when they know who they are and how they grow.” He gave me this life-changing and sage advice because he saw that I was hording all the important tasks to be done and not letting people in on the action. I guess my point is that you have to trust people in all sorts of situations, even in situations where great temptation exists. It’s then that you find out what that person is made of and in case they really do love you; and in the end that’s all that I give a damn about. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…

Share This Article Facebook7Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, Online Dating Tagged in: cheating, Online Dating She sorta makes grass look interesting, huh? It’s difficult to let go of the outcomes and “live in the moment” as they say. But, what’s primary is that we try. With regards to dating, we experience a lot of disappointments and failures and that doesn’t add to our state of Zen. We start to be concerned about our future and focus on our ego. For example: “I can’t believe he cheated on me, I’ll never find the right guy.” “Why did she reject me?

Women, What Are YOUR Dating Deal Breakers?

Am I that terrible of a person?” When these miserable events happen in our dating lives, how do we remain positive and in the moment? I want to try and give you some pointers to simply help with that. YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS I will not take credit. That is a statement from the author Eckhart Tolle who preaches about surviving in the now. His books have opened my eyes to a whole new meaning of the phrase “living in the moment.” Our brains have a whole mess of garbage that it likes to tell us every single day.

Whether it’s that we have to worry about a future circumstance, a past mishap, or just daily nonsense. The fact of the matter is that it’s not real. It’s only your thoughts. Eckhart tells us that time isn’t real and that individuals worry a lot of about events that have already occurred or that might occur in the foreseeable future. The only real thing in this world is this present moment. As you read this blog post, you are more alive than ever. Everything that actually happens is happening right at this very moment. So, the next time you start to be concerned about whether your present relationship will last or about the time you got rejected at the bar, wipe those thoughts away and focus on the “right now.” STAY OUTCOME INDEPENDENT That reads exactly how you imagine it reads; be independent of your outcomes. Men feel anxious about whether or not they’ll get a woman’s number or wonder exactly if the next time they’ll have sex. These thoughts are such as a virus in the human brain that will replicate and eventually take over your whole body.

Once you become a slave to your outcomes, your focus is shot and it will be harder to achieve your goals. Women see right through the anxiety and nervousness, which are unattractive and unconfident The outcomes that you dwell on will lead you astray from what you desire. Instead, have a great time! That’s a prescription that the date doctor is ordering. Try and let go of future projections and enjoy the process of dating and meeting new people. Once you do that, the sex, girlfriends and boyfriends can come faster than it is possible to imagine. MEDITATE Studies have shown that meditation is extremely calming to the body and mind. So what does meditation have to do with dating? First, meditation keeps you present and focused. Dating can cause lot of anxiety for people. Maybe you are nervous to flirt with someone or you haven’t been out in the scene for a while. Second, meditating before a date or any stressful event can help you relax.

My advice is to take action 5-10 minutes everyday. It’s may be difficult at times, but the more you partake the easier it will become. When it’s all said and done, dating and mating sometimes isn’t the easiest task. But, in the long run you have to be sure you not over think it. Enjoy the fleeting moments when you meet someone new. Stop and smell the roses your new date may hand you. Don’t go into it with a concrete goal and enjoy the process. In the words of Ferris Bueller, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.” Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook4Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: anxiety, buddhism, Dating, meditation, nervousness, stress Relationship Split Ends I just got of the phone with a friend and her situation reminded me of one my favorite JBS original quotes…”sometimes relationships are like split ends and they have to be cut” This can apply to both sexes, but I think women will really understand the point I’m trying to make. Sometimes a woman goes to the hairdresser and is told she needs to get her split comes to an end trimmed. For what ever reason she decides that she doesn’t want to cut her hair. Relationships are like the split comes to an end the woman at the hairdresser doesn’t want cut. At times we end up in relationships (romantic and platonic relationships) that individuals know are on a slow train to NOWHERE.

as opposed to being proactive and ending the relationship, WE STAY. Why do we stay once we know there is no future….is it the companionship, the fun we have with the other person, sex, a fear of being alone or the status that the other person represents (I’m sure you could add a few to the list too)? When a woman finally does cut the split concludes her hair is healthier, shinier and prettier. And more importantly it grows back stronger. Similarly once we end relationships that are not nourishing to our entire being we make room for healthy, loving, positive relationships. Do you have any split concludes that need to be cut? Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook3Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Relationships Tagged in: break ups, Realationships Let’s be honest: area of the beauty of online dating is that it’s a way to meet people and never having to shell out for drinks or wear heels, at least for a while.

Shopping with Your Girlfriend: A Survival Guide for Men

But that doesn’t mean you can get away with no effort or polish at all.

Just as there as some very clear rules about dating in person, there are also instructions for polite behavior on an online dating site. There may not be a universally ratified code but there are still a few rules that individuals will judge you for not following. Here are the top 10: Be honest– Just like with a resume, if you can’t back up what you write in an online dating profile, it will only waste everyone’s time while making you look bad down the road. Even if you’ve managed to get some attention by saying you’re a rock star, it isn’t going to help you when they find out that you’re actually a computer programmer who once played Guitar Hero. Use an accurate photo– This is a continuation of # 1. Your photo should be an up-to-date picture that shows the face. Choosing a picture that shows your best side is recommended. Choosing a picture that was created in Photoshop is not. Once more, your date is going to have to see the real you sooner or later so posting photo from your sorority days is merely going to come back to bite you. Don’t write in CAPS– This one is self-explanatory.  It’s the online equivalent of being a really close talker. Use spell check– Ok, this one may not be a manners thing, it just makes a bad vibe. Too many spelling and grammar mistakes can give the impression that you’re either ignorant, childish or just don’t care. None of which are turn-ons.

Personalize– Once you opt to get in touch with someone, don’t send a form letter. However some dating sites send you through “guided correspondence”, make sure to reference something in your contact’s profile as soon as you have the opportunity. This shows you’re sincere and actually paying some attention. Always respond– I’ll add a caveat here: If you’ve been contacted sent a flirt/wink/poke/smile or what is obviously a form letter then you’re off the hook. But if some one took the effort to write a personalized message then old fashioned good manners requires you to write back in a timely way even if it’s to “Not interested, but thanks.” Don’t push it– It doesn’t matter how eager you are to meet up with face-to-face, don’t rush others. Online dating can be uncomfortable and there are numerous creeps out there. If your contact is exercising some caution, respect that. Don’t wait forever– On the other hand, don’t drag things on. Your potential date didn’t sign up for a pen-pal, so if you’re never likely to get the guts to invest in a simple first date, drop the correspondence or get off the site entirely. Don’t stare– Once you’re on the first date, try not to act too shocked if you spot differences between your date’s online persona and actual life. You may have been imagining something very different but if you don’t make the effort to cover up confusion or disappointment, your date will know.

And that can hurt. Remove your profile– Once you’re dating someone seriously, don’t let your internet dating profile sit there. To start with, it’s rude to the person you’re dating since its sends the message that you’re just in it until something better comes along. Nonetheless, it also wastes the time of online daters still trying to sift through profiles. Not sure when is the right time to take down your profile? Try talking to your new date about it. Since you met on a dating site, you’re probably both wondering the same thing. Many of these might be harder for you than others, so take some time to have used to a dating site before you commit. Make use of free trials, and check out online dating reviews to simply help find web sites that use communication methods that you’re most comfortable with. Take into account that these are just instructions for good manners of online dating.

There are numerous other tips you’ll want to consider to make the process safe and effective, but we’ll leave those for another post. Eva Forman is a researcher and blogger for Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook4Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating, Tips & Advice Tagged in: Online Dating I’ve been reflecting a lot lately; I’ve been reflecting about the amazing blogging community that I’m so glad and proud to be a part of. I’ve been blogging about a shade over a year and a half now, on the Urban Dater. In that time I’ve seen our visitors and page views steadily increase.  We’ve received over 60,000 page views and over 30,000 visits.  We’ve amassed a small, but dedicated, following of amazing people on both Twitter and Facebook.  We’ve been very fortunate to make the connections that individuals have made. One thing that I have learned is that no good deed goes unnoticed on Twitter and Facebook.

  I’m a firm believer that if you do something kind for someone else, then it comes back to you for some reason or another. What an understatement!!  The outpour of support and kindness from fellow bloggers and followers, alike, has been nothing short of amazing and humbling. Countless bloggers have reached out and helped me, giving me advice, retweeting my articles, accepting guest posts from me and as well as posting their very own guest articles on the Urban Dater.  I wish I could list them all here, especially my amazing followers on Twitter, alas, I cannot… The community is very open and embracing to old bloggers and new bloggers alike, just ask any of your favorite bloggers.  It’s important to ensure we keep our community and our bloggers in check also.  It’s important that we don’t lose sight of why we blog in the first place! For some of us, it’s a full time gig, yet it’s a love.  To others, it’s a labor of love that bears no financial fruits; blogging gives us the chance to express ourselves to the world at large and impart our heart aches and breaks, wisdom and more.

Recently, though, I’ve become disturbed about what I’ve heard about a particular blogger.  It’s arrive at my attention, recently, that a certain nameless blogger has been making personal attacks on fellow bloggers that I know and that I am friends with. In truth, I’ve known about this blogger’s wretched acts against fellow bloggers and friends, as I’ve bared witness to their acts of cruelty and heard countless numerous stories from friends that she’s burned in the past. Needless to say, this behavior is unacceptable and while it is easy for me to tell my followers and readers to give her the proverbial digital middle finger, I’m not likely to do that.  Instead, I will make my voice heard through personal action.  In other words, i am going to not follow or promote any blogger that makes negative attacks or statements against anyone else.  To go one step further, I will unfollow anyone that promotes this person’s Tweets or FB pages..  If you are someone I unfollow this is why, i am going to let you know why I unfollowed or unfriended you. As the digital age brings every person closer together, we need to use the voice our shared platform provides us!

  We have the right to make a stand against those whose voice attempts to drown out others, that attempt to tarnish our community and those who would attempt to attack others viciously. Community is important to me and that’s something I’ve learned with the Urban Dater, within the last year and a half. We have been very fortunate to truly have a voice that is heard and we get that!  Also, we will defend any voice that suffers from unprovoked aggression from others in the manner I stated earlier.  It’s not just because it’s the “popular” thing to do; it’s our responsibility as an active members associated with blogging community and I implore similar from my fellow bloggers, Facebookers and Twitter Followers.  Yeah, it’s THAT important. If anyone needs further clarification on this post feel free to contact us through the site or on Twitter Thanks for reading Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Asides Tagged in: blogging, community Making a long distance college relationship work can be challenging. In the event you and your loved one are going to different places to study, you will need to make a choice.

A lot of couples think that they won’t be able to handle the stress of such experience and so they prefer to end things in advance. Trying to make it work, though, will be definitely worth every penny. Coping with something like this will show you your relationship really has a future and during that period additionally, you will learn different things about each other which will only make your bond stronger. As opposed to feeling bad about the long distance relationship, you can look at it from a different perspective. This is the best test for your relationship which will show you how much you and your partner care for each other. Starting a new life, filled with adventures is exciting and a little scary, but this is also the ideal moment to take your relationship to another level. This will definitely require a lot of work and commitment from both sides, therefore it is best to discuss everything with your partner before leaving. We, on the other hand, will give you interesting tips which will help you preserve your relationship. Communicate more – Undoubtedly, there is nothing more important than the good communication when it comes to long distance relationships. Being honest with each other is one of the main rules you will have to follow because the secrets and the lies will only make things harder for you.

You have to be understanding while making a schedule which will give you sufficient time to talk and share the things that you want. Both of you will be probably very busy, but sometimes you will need to make a compromise in order to make things work. Share every experience – Whether you are talking within the phone or through Skype, avoid being afraid to share with you every experience from your day, no matter how insignificant it seems. Just because you are not spending every single day together like before, it doesn’t mean that you have to exclude the other person from your personal experiences. By sharing them you will make your partner feel closer to you just like before. Enjoy your own personal life – Speaking of your own personal life, the new place will give you the chance to experience many new things and meet with a lot of interesting people. In moment like these, it is important never to forget about your loved one.